Dr. Adam Hahn notes, “There is perhaps no piece of medical equipment that is the butt of more jokes than dentures. Fortunately, we dentists know how to keep a sense of humor about these things. Here are some of my favorite denture jokes.”
Ishmael and Isaac were old friends who now live in the nursing home together, but they had the kind of friendship that was built around bickering. One day they are watching football, and their favorite teams are playing. When Ishmael’s team scores, he cheers so obnoxiously that Isaac says, “I oughta punch you in the teeth.” Ishmael laughs, “Go ahead, but you might want to wait for a commercial break.” Isaac asks, “Why?”
Ishmael says, “Because they’re upstairs in a glass by my bed.”
A man told me the other day that he couldn’t make it to our couples-only party. “Why,” I asked, “are you too shy?” “No, I love parties, but my wife and I can’t go together!” “Why? Is she too shy?” “No, but we have only one set of teeth!”
You Have to Be Old to Appreciate This One
A man is at a payphone when he realizes he doesn’t have enough change. Then he hears a man at the bus stop rattling something in his pockets. He leans over to the second man and says, “Sir, I was wondering if you could loan me a few coins?” The second man said, “Sorry, I don’t have any.” The first man is annoyed and said, “You could’ve just said no.
You don’t have to lie to me–I heard you rattling something in your pocket and I know it’s not your keys.” “It’s not change, it’s my wife’s false teeth. She’s on a diet, and I took them with me so she wouldn’t be tempted to eat anything while I was away.”
A waiter brings an elderly couple their food. They have ordered just one meal and one drink between them, with an extra plate and cup. The waiter watches them divide the meal and the drink, and says, “How, sweet, you share everything 50-50.” “Yep,” the man says, “we always have.” A little while later, the waiter notices that the woman is almost finished eating, but the man hasn’t even started.
He says to the man, “You haven’t touched your food. Is there something wrong with it?” “No,” the man replies, “it all looks great, but it’s her turn with the teeth!”
A Helpful Stranger
A famous old singer is backstage getting ready for her performance when she sneezes and her dentures fall out, breaking. “What am I going to do?” she asks. “I can’t sing without my dentures.” A man who is standing nearby says, “Don’t worry–I always keep some spares on me. Try this one.” He hands her a set of dentures, but it’s too big. She tries a second, but it’s too small.
The third is just right. “Thank you,” the woman says, “I am so grateful. Do you have a card? I’ve been looking for a new dentist.” “You’re welcome. Here’s my card, but I’m not a dentist.” She looks down. The card reads: Barry M. Diep–Undertaker.
A man visits his dentist to complain that his new dentures are coming apart after just six months. The dentist looks at them and says, “Remarkable. The upper plate is almost completely eroded. What have you been eating?” The man thinks, then says, “Oh, doc, I can’t help myself. About four months ago, I tried some Hollandaise sauce, and it’s so delicious that I put it on everything, breakfast, dinner, and lunch.
” His dentist says, “That’s got to be the problem. Hollandaise sauce has a lot of lemon juice in it, so the acid must be attacking the plate. I’ll make you new dentures with a chrome plate.” The man asks, “Why chome?” The dentist says, “Everyone knows there’s no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!”
“This is a classic,” says Columbia, SC dentist, Dr. Hahn, “Why are dentures like the stars? They both come out at night.”
License: Royalty Free or iStock
This and other amusing articles are masterfully written by Matthew Candelaria, an avid sci-fi writer and Godzilla fan.
Why Is Quantity Surveying Essential in Construction Industry
Quantity surveying is an essential part of the Australian construction industry. It is the process of calculating and estimating the...
How to Maintain Upholstered Furniture
No matter if you have pets or kids, maintaining your upholstered furniture is quite a challenge. Even though vacuuming it...
How Do I Find a Good Bubble.io Developer?
Finding a good bubble developer to help build your app or digital product can seem challenging. How can you choose...
When is a right time for home repairs?
Summer is a popular time for a renovation around the globe. While it is true that bright days and warm...
Top 15 Alteryx Competitors
The world has seen a tremendous rise in startups and new incorporations in the business world. Companies have great potential...
Latest Wedding Trends for 2023
If you’re planning on getting married this year, chances are you’re probably overwhelmed and confused when it comes to wedding...
Tips To Make The Most Of Your City Break In London!
London is one of the best cities in the world, known for its quintessentially British culture, great nightlife, fantastic museums...
The Ultimate Guide To Packing For A Trip To London
London is one of the best cities in the world, known for it’s rich history, quintessentially British culture, the best...
Top 15 Web Development IDEs
The web development field has seen sustainable growth throughout the years. As technology is advancing, so is the web development...
12 Key DevOps Programming Languages to Still Popular in 2022
“DevOps is not a goal, but a never-ending process of continual improvement.” – Jez Humble Delivering the finest of services...
Festival Fashion Style Tips For 2022
Summer is well and truly here and with that comes the festival season! From the biggest stars performing on stage...
4 Tips For Making Your Wardrobe More Sustainable
Everyone is trying to make more of an effort to make their wardrobe more sustainable, but often are unsure where...
7 tips on how to organize a budget-friendly move
If you are planning a move any time soon, you might be worried about all the expenses that wait for...
Metal Roof Colors: How to Select the Best Color for a New Roof
Choosing the right type of material for your roof is enough of a hassle already that the question of choosing...
Simple Ways To Feel More Confident At The Gym
If you are new to the gym, or you haven’t been in a while, sometimes you might not feel completely...
Tech7 years ago
Creating An e-Commerce Website
Tech7 years ago
Design Template Guidelines For Mobile Apps
Business7 years ago
The Key Types Of Brochure Printing Services
Business3 years ago
What Is AdsSupply? A Comprehensive Review
Travel10 years ago
Who Else Wants Also Nfl Hat
General7 years ago
Kobe Bryant With His Unique Nba Jerseys
Tech8 years ago
Why Small Businesses Can't Ignore Mobile Technology
Tech7 years ago
Climb Google Using These Checklists