Unhappily Married or Happy Single Mother

How do you know when your marriage is over? How do you know if you are going through a phase, or if your relationship has truly ended? I don’t understand what’s going on. All I know is how I feel: unhappy, afraid, and lonely. Does it really matter why or how we ended up here?

I’m unhappy because I am living a life in which I feel overlooked and unappreciated. I’m lonely because even though he comes home every day, I have no one to talk to. I have no one to share all my good and bad times with. I’m afraid because it’s not just me anymore.

This affects my son too, my dear Hammy. I know in my heart I can provide for us financially. I feel sure of myself as a working woman. I recognize that I can handle the struggles that being a single parent will entail. However, I am scared of losing the amount of quality time I now share with my son. I am afraid of leaving him in someone else’s care. I am afraid of sharing him with his father. I don’t want my son to bounce around from house to house. But mostly, I am terrified I will not recognize what will hurt him more; spending his toddler years at home with me while I’m unhappily married to his father, or being raised by a single but happy mother.

First and foremost, I have to decide whether or not I am ready for this marriage to be over. I know it’s really all up to me. If no matter what I will be unhappy with my husband, then I must leave him. Can I learn to overlook his flaws? Should his flaws be overlooked? Am I in too deep to know when I’m being played? These are all questions running through my mind. The only thing I am sure of is that I do not trust him. I probably will never be able to trust him or any other man. And no, it is not because I have been cheated on, well at least not completely. See things are way more complicated than that. I doubt that the perfect, faithful man exists. What matters is whether he is perfect for you and faithful to you. Maybe he cheated on his other partners, but he will not cheat on you. But how can you trust someone who hurt a person he said he loved?

Relationships really are complicated, especially when there are kids involved. I have to figure out what is best for Hammy and me. I pray to God that he will guide me in the right direction. I pray He will always look over my son and protect him. I know things happen for a reason, and I feel I am prepared for whatever is to come next.