Denture Jokes To Keep You Smiling

Dr. Adam Hahn notes, “There is perhaps no piece of medical equipment that is the butt of more jokes than dentures. Fortunately, we dentists know how to keep a sense of humor about these things. Here are some of my favorite denture jokes.”

Old Friends

Ishmael and Isaac were old friends who now live in the nursing home together, but they had the kind of friendship that was built around bickering. One day they are watching football, and their favorite teams are playing. When Ishmael’s team scores, he cheers so obnoxiously that Isaac says, “I oughta punch you in the teeth.” Ishmael laughs, “Go ahead, but you might want to wait for a commercial break.” Isaac asks, “Why?”
Ishmael says, “Because they’re upstairs in a glass by my bed.”

Shyness

A man told me the other day that he couldn’t make it to our couples-only party. “Why,” I asked, “are you too shy?” “No, I love parties, but my wife and I can’t go together!” “Why? Is she too shy?” “No, but we have only one set of teeth!”

You Have to Be Old to Appreciate This One

A man is at a payphone when he realizes he doesn’t have enough change. Then he hears a man at the bus stop rattling something in his pockets. He leans over to the second man and says, “Sir, I was wondering if you could loan me a few coins?” The second man said, “Sorry, I don’t have any.” The first man is annoyed and said, “You could’ve just said no.
You don’t have to lie to me–I heard you rattling something in your pocket and I know it’s not your keys.” “It’s not change, it’s my wife’s false teeth. She’s on a diet, and I took them with me so she wouldn’t be tempted to eat anything while I was away.”

Even Steven

A waiter brings an elderly couple their food. They have ordered just one meal and one drink between them, with an extra plate and cup. The waiter watches them divide the meal and the drink, and says, “How, sweet, you share everything 50-50.” “Yep,” the man says, “we always have.” A little while later, the waiter notices that the woman is almost finished eating, but the man hasn’t even started.
He says to the man, “You haven’t touched your food. Is there something wrong with it?” “No,” the man replies, “it all looks great, but it’s her turn with the teeth!”

A Helpful Stranger

A famous old singer is backstage getting ready for her performance when she sneezes and her dentures fall out, breaking. “What am I going to do?” she asks. “I can’t sing without my dentures.” A man who is standing nearby says, “Don’t worry–I always keep some spares on me. Try this one.” He hands her a set of dentures, but it’s too big. She tries a second, but it’s too small.
The third is just right. “Thank you,” the woman says, “I am so grateful. Do you have a card? I’ve been looking for a new dentist.” “You’re welcome. Here’s my card, but I’m not a dentist.” She looks down. The card reads: Barry M. Diep–Undertaker.

A Groaner

A man visits his dentist to complain that his new dentures are coming apart after just six months. The dentist looks at them and says, “Remarkable. The upper plate is almost completely eroded. What have you been eating?” The man thinks, then says, “Oh, doc, I can’t help myself. About four months ago, I tried some Hollandaise sauce, and it’s so delicious that I put it on everything, breakfast, dinner, and lunch.
” His dentist says, “That’s got to be the problem. Hollandaise sauce has a lot of lemon juice in it, so the acid must be attacking the plate. I’ll make you new dentures with a chrome plate.” The man asks, “Why chome?” The dentist says, “Everyone knows there’s no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!”

Bonus One-Liner

“This is a classic,” says Columbia, SC dentist, Dr. Hahn, “Why are dentures like the stars? They both come out at night.”

Featured images:

License: Royalty Free or iStock
source: http://www.dreamstime.com/royalty-free-stock-image-teeth-image4249526
This and other amusing articles are masterfully written by Matthew Candelaria, an avid sci-fi writer and Godzilla fan.