Move Over Mainstream!
Move over all other mainstream search engines out there! There’s a new search engine in town. Welcome to Smevels, the search engine of the future. Randomly (bribed) selected users in several U.S. cities that will not be named have used Smevels in comparison with other search engines out there. Six out of ten of them agreed that Smevels was a search engine superior to all others. It was rated as somewhat faster, a couple times more efficient, and almost too good to be true!
The Many Benefits of Smevels
What are the benefits of Smevels you may ask? Tons!
- First and foremost, Smevels will appeal to all you hipsters out there just because we at Smevels know you hate doing anything mainstream (even though the hipster look is now mainstream), which means we know that Smevels will appeal to you simply because it is not a mainstream search engine.
- Smevels will help you find exactly what you’re looking for. We’ve refined the art of the internet search to make sure that what our search engine brings you is only what is relevant to you. Say ‘goodbye’ to all that extra junk you weren’t really looking for that all those other search engines give you when you type in your key words. Searching for a plumber in Ogden, Utah, will get you exactly what you want with Smevels! That clogged toilet of yours will be fixed in no time by one of the most average plumbers around, brought to you by the magic of Smevels.
- We have almost no carbon footprint! Did you know that website screens aggravate the greenhouse gas problem in our atmosphere because of all the energy they use to display their information. Because nobody really utilizes our website, we rarely use up any energy at all, unlike our more popular competition.
- Finally for all you stalkers out there! Smevels has a zero privacy policy and automatically links to all of a person’s social networks without telling them. This will help you in your quest to monitor the every move of that one celebrity you’re obsessed with because your adoration of them is the only thing keeping you from realizing that you have no life and you live in your mother’s basement.
- Finish your school work faster! Our search engine connects beautifully to all the pay for academic papers websites you’ll ever need. Forget about actually writing that report and just plagiarize somebody else’s with the help of Smevels. (Smevels will not be held responsible for the consequences you may suffer from plagiarizing work if you’re caught by your professor who is probably smart enough to know you didn’t write that history report because you’re incapable of using that kind of eloquent language).
Join the Latest Online Revolution with Smevels!
So what are you waiting for America? Forget about having a productive life, come back into your mother’s basement, and join the latest online revolution in searching for random crap for no real reason. We promise you won’t regret or we’ll do absolutely nothing to pay you back because you’re not paying to use our search engine. And really what do you have to lose? You already waste many of your afternoons liking stuff on Facebook, you might as well use Smevels and you might actually also learn something in the process!
*NOTE: Smevels is not actually a real thing.
By Thomas Alberts
Bio
Thomas Alberts is a journalistic and short story writer who is also passionate about the plumbing industry. He is currently a student living in Ogden, Utah providing the public with his quips and knowledge on sarcasm and helping people when they need a plumber in Ogden, Utah.